One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
