i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
