We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
