That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
