you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
