found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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