I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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