my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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