Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's rum buckets o'clock
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
