walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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