I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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