I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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