she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drake has all the answers
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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