we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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