If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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