Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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