Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
