Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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