We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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