so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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