i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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