i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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