Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
