Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
