we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
jump out the window naked night went bad
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
