Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
