We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
