I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
