i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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