oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
