Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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