if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize