Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I came so hard my ears popped.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
