Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How external is "for external use only"?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I supernannyed him into submission
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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