census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
