you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wish my penis had a tongue
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
