I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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