i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
