My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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