Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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