I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
