I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
