I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
