i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
