i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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