i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
