there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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