all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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