i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
