So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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