Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
