she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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