we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
