my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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