Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my shit smells like andre
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
