my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
