Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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