Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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