I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
