I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
