what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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