I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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