My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
