He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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