If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
