I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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