I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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