I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
