tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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