we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
