I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
