we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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