apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize