WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You dont lie about slip and slides
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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