Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
