i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
