I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
