You smell like stripper and shame
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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