I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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