She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
