You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
